LOSS OF IDENTITY & LIFE’S DRASTIC CHANGE
I felt like I had a mask on, like there were two beings inside me: the sexy, modern girl ready to conquer the world, and this one with a lost self-identity. Steadily, I started molding myself into the present that destiny had decided for me. I became the "kitchen queen," as that was what was expected of me.
My days were vigorously spent in the kitchen, starting from waking up at dawn to get milk, preparing tea multiple times, and making breakfast, lunch, evening snacks, and dinner. So, I got myself a small stereo to keep myself alive. In the midst of it all, I was still very attractive and got a lot of attention. Nothing made sense to me. I was just flowing with no direction. The freedom I had once known had vanished.
I found myself hanging out in the kitchen with house help, a stark contrast to the self-sufficient woman I had always been. This was a significant adjustment, and it took a toll on my self-esteem. This contrasting life alteration felt like I was losing a part of myself. I had always been a woman who could stand on her own two feet. Now, I had to rely on others, and this dependence weighed heavily on my heart.
It was a humbling experience, one that forced me to confront my vulnerabilities and redefine my sense of self-worth.
In those early days, the simple act of dressing up felt almost pointless. The vibrant energy I once exuded seemed to fade into the background as I walked to the market, unnoticed. There were still glimmers, moments when I would dress up and dance, a fleeting echo of my former self, but even those joyful expressions gradually faded.
The bustling streets of South Mumbai, where I once walked confidently, felt a different world from the dirt road I now traversed daily for groceries. It was a stark and sudden descent, like being thrown from the top of a grand staircase to the very bottom. Yet, within this new reality, a spark of my former self refused to be extinguished. I consciously chose to fill my evenings with joy, with the universal language of music. I began to collect movie song cassettes, each one a potential escape, a source of memories and inspiration
. After the routine of daily chores, I would seek out these musical treasures, bringing a vibrant array of sounds into my room. The simple act of walking in the park became a small act of rebellion against the monotony. And as a reward for embracing these small joys, I invested in a beautiful music system, allowing melodies to fill the silence.
Just as I began to find my rhythm in this new life, a new chapter, full of promise and unknown depths, – I was pregnant.
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MOTHERHOOD AND CHALLENGES
I gave birth to my first child, a baby girl. She is the joy and pride of my life. Now I had music and my daughter, and this was enough to create a world of my own.
Motherhood brought abundant joy, but it also presented new challenges. I struggled with my weight, and the demands of raising a child made it difficult to pursue a career.
I felt torn between my desire to be a good mother and my yearning for career fulfillment. The societal expectations placed on women to be both nurturing caregivers and successful professionals created a constant internal conflict. I often felt like I was failing at both, as I was stretched thin and exhausted by the competing demands.
You're probably wondering where my husband was in all of this? He was around but more focused on his career and building a new company. After a few years, we relocated from the huge bungalow to a penthouse. Again, the location was no better, but at least it was livable.
My life was pretty much a routine of taking care of the baby, the kitchen, running errands, and listening to music. I tried to continue my travel career, but due to a lack of family support, I had to give it up. I joined a gym and attempted to get back in shape.
And just when I did, I was pregnant with my second baby, a handsome baby boy.
Ah, those early days of parenthood! They were truly magical, where the world shrunk down to the precious little one in my arms. All the worries and troubles of the past simply melted away in the warmth of my daughter's presence. It was incredibly inspiring how my focus narrowed to nurturing her, filling her world with stories, play, and comfort. And even when finances were tight, my love and determination shone through, as I found ways to bring joy and fulfillment to her world.
This kind of dedication speaks volumes about the powerful bond between a parent and child. It's a beautiful reminder that love and presence often matter more than material wealth.
Witnessing the outpouring of love from both sides of the family towards my children had a profound impact. It became crystal clear to me that consistent affection and nurturing laid the foundation for their sense of security and belonging. I saw firsthand how those early investments of love shaped their ability to connect with others and pilot the world with a sense of confidence.
It reinforced for me that those seemingly small moments of holding, comforting, and simply being present are the building blocks of a child's emotional landscape.
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